Want a heavy dose of Privilege? Go to the gym!

I recently got a membership to 24-hour fitness. I was excited! Now that I'm paying for it, I have no excuse not to go the gym and get back into the shape that I envision for myself. And I have gone every single day since. Why didn't I do this earlier?!? Oh yea, the rampant misogyny and coupled with that to a lesser extent, homophobia.

I think the most difficult aspect of going to this particular gym for me is how often I have to check myself. I can't believe how ingrained my reactions are when I see a woman that I find attractive. It's instantaneous. My eyes snap from face to butt before I have a chance to think about it. I beat myself up every time that happens but it's pretty out of control.

Is it possible for me to appreciate how physically attractive a stranger is without any sort of objectification?

No.

Staring is a form of objectification. "Appreciating" someone's physical appearance is a form of objectification because there is no way to know that person beyond their outward, physical appearance.

There was a guy who walked up to two women and said "you know, every time I see you two lift, you always have really good form!" My lifting partner and I looked at each other like "Did that really happen? What a fuckin creeper!" But when I started to break it down, I realized that he was being sincere and probably really meant it as a compliment. But at the same time, he doesn't realize the impact of what he's saying. The two women were visibly uncomfortable and quickly moved to a different exercise. What if they were in the middle of a set and this guy confronting them caused them to shorten their work out? That's not fair. I felt like it was the perfect manifestation of Intent vs. Impact and how much privilege can affect that because that guy had no clue what the impact of his compliment was.

Then I started to feel conflicted. I wanted to say something. But at the same time, being a male, I didn't want to come off as "saving" these women as if they can't take care of themselves. Even if my intention was that I personally wanted to make the space safer by telling this guy that what he said was inappropriate, it could be perceived in any number of ways. I guess my question is, if I make that guy more aware of the impact of his words, despite his intent, does it really matter if I come off as a savior? Is there a right way and a wrong way to create safer spaces?

One thing I have to remember is my privileged perspective. I didn't immediately think that when a woman goes to the gym, they have to contend with all of those eyes, and who knows what's going through the minds of the men blatantly staring at a woman's ass. I can't imagine the cumulative effect of negotiating those thoughts every single trip to the gym. I can do my part by not contributing to that.

The friend I went to the gym with identifies as a gay Chinese man. We are extremely good friends and we talk about our identities all the time and the effects of privilege and the different perspectives we come across. Usually, we're both very open about talking about queer issues, but I hold back a lot of our identity talk at the gym. I feel unsafe revealing his identity (and mine to some extent) because of my perception of the people who use this gym. I have heard of more attacks in my town on queer folk than I have about racially charged attacks. So the fear of being ourselves is very prevalent in my consciousness while we're lifting at this particular gym. That's bullshit. I should be able to talk about whatever the hell I want without the fear of getting jumped in the locker room or the parking lot. But the reality of our situation is very different.

Perhaps that is a measuring stick for how far we've come. The gym seems like the final frontier for conquering privilege in many forms.