"What Nationality Are You?"

I don't care how colorblind you think you are, if you grew up in American society, a society of boxes, you see differences in skin and gender. In addition, I believe we all have assumptions based on someone's outward appearance that automatically register in our subconscious. When you see an Asian man, there are immediate responses and images in your head that you are aware of or not. A woman came to my place of work, a restaurant, and while I served her some soup she straight up asked me "What nationality are you?"

Now, if you are not multiracial or mixed or however you choose to identify, listen closely because the answer to this question is this:

It's none of your fucking business

The question "who are you" and its variations are a form of othering. Why? Because you don't run around asking everyone you meet this question, just the people who don't fit neatly into your race boxes. Most mixed race people experience a life time of this. In addition, there is lots of pressure to choose a racial identity from the outside. Although this may be the case for many mixed raced people, I interpret my experience a little differently. I feel like when I revealed that I was half-Japanese, people automatically registered that as exotic or unusual or foreign. When  I revealed my identity, I was no longer all of me, but "half" of me. People completely forgot about my white identity and automatically grilled me on what made me exotic and different. "COOL can you speak it? Will you speak some right now? What does this mean, "ching chong ching chong ching wing wang?" Have you heard this joke?"

Regardless, there are typically very painful experiences associated with the question "What are you?", and when this woman asked me what my nationality was at my work, all of these experiences flashed through my mind. Typically, I reply like a smart ass by answering the question in "the wrong way". Usually my answer to "What nationality are you?" is "Oh I'm American, specifically United States-ian" or something along those lines. Here's the kicker... In this particular situation, I straight up told the woman that I was Hapa, Half-Japanese and Half-White. Why? Because she appeared to be a woman of color. If she looked white, or if it was a white man, I would fight to keep my identity to myself.

So what is the difference between a white person asking and a person of color (PoC) asking?

The woman immediately identified herself as the same thing. There was an immediate connection between us that I rarely feel. The knowledge and experience, though unique, are the same. But it wasn't a verbal gushing between us. It was just a knowing smile. She appeared to be much older than me. I wanted to know if my experience differed from hers because she seemed to be from a different generation.

I later realized that this is probably a uniquely mixed race person experience.

Anyway, the difference between a white person and a PoC asking is simple to me. Generally, I think the intentions behind the question are very different depending on who is asking the question. White people are "curious" and want to figure out where I fit in their mental race boxes. PoC, particularly mixed folks, are interested on who I am and understand that my racial identity plays a big role in my life. The difference, as you can see, is the fact that I know that PoC are trying to get to know me, where as I feel like white people are just trying to "figure me out". Like it's a game. In addition, I have many negative experiences associated with white people asking "What are you?"

I hope one day I can feel like everyone's intention is to get to know me so I don't have to feel like I'm on my guard about my identity all the time.